MODERN INDUSTRY Anxiety
I love the way the modern music industry works. I love that direct connection between fans and bands, I love the transparency of it, and I’m glad that the artificial distance that artists once had between them and their fans has been eradicated. But sometimes I’m not sure I’m the man for the job. Sometimes I sit and stare at an empty Tweet wishing I had something to say. Sometimes the idea of Instagramming something makes me too anxious to deal with. I wonder a lot where the line is between honesty and just plain negativity. I’m having an adjustment year, and predictably anxiety and depression have been hammering at the door. I’m not a negative person in general, nor am I not capable of happiness, nor am I not grateful for my life. But I have been anxious lately, and that’s therefore what I feel I should be communicating in our social networking. I believe wholeheartedly in honesty and a personal tone through these channels. But do I come across as a moper? As a sad sack? Neither of these things are accurate, but a weird brain is a part of my life and often the focus of our lyrics.
I read Amanda Palmer articles, a hero for modern industry work. The way she connects with people is outstanding. I don’t feel capable of connecting with people like that. I’m distant, awkward, shy. I have problems with empathy. When I was younger I probably would have blamed the industry for not being tailored to my personality. Now I’m a bit older and wiser, I just blame myself for these shortcomings. I’m working pretty damn hard to overcome them. I’m starting to take a shine to blogging, I like having the space to explain myself, working in full sentences and having a license to express myself freely knowing that only people who are interested will read. On the social networks, I’m trying to balance communicating simultaneously with real fans, casual fans, industry people, friends who aren’t really into the band, randoms.
I’m not interested in bemoaning the current state of the industry, I think it’s the way it should be. Are we up to that challenge? Either way, we’ll be here. This band has eaten me alive.